I Want to Know
by CelticInTheAU
Summary: Eclipse fanfiction. Leah is sick and tired of everyone controlling her. Most of all, her emotions. Eventual Blackwater and lemons. **HIATUS**
1. Chapter 1

_Shit._

We were standing in the clearing, watching as the walking prozac pill taught us the better way to maim, and therefore kill, a leech. He was currently fighting it out with Barbie, and it was hard to keep focus on them, they were moving so fast. A punch here, a kick there... hell, he'd even managed to flip her over.

_You can't tell me that the big bad Leah Clearwater is intimidated by a... blonde bloodsucker!_ Embry laughed in his mind, causing me to turn and growl at him.

_Fuck you, Call. I am not intimidated by the emo-boy vamp._

I shook my head as I sat back on my haunches, taking in the scene before me, watching closely what each and every leech was doing, making notes mentally.

_Okay guys, round up._ Sam's voice broke through into my mind. _We'll meet up with the Cullen's again soon._

I turned tail and ran, heading back into La Push territory, ignoring the chattering from the rest of the pack members in my head. It was mostly about the training we just witnessed, but there were some errant comments from those imprinted boys about their girls, and about what they might or might not have wanted to do with them. I really hoped that Seth wasn't paying attention, because some of the thoughts were graphic, R rated porn that was even too much for me at some point.

The silence that I had created in my mind at that moment was blissful – I had never been so thankful for the fact that I could block out Sam's annoying, bossy voice whenever I wanted to, and push the rest of the pack onto the back burner, mental-voice-communication wise.

The guys all went straight towards the beach, in the direction of Sam and Emily's cottage, while I detoured, taking the route to the cliffs that I had burned into my memory.

_I don't need to see Alpha-wannabe and scar-face all kissy kissy,_ I thought with a sneer, forgetting to put up my mental blocks. Yes, I was bitter about it still, but honestly? I used my bitterness to cover up the self hatred and pain I felt every time I saw them.

_Leah, for the last time, get over it!_ Paul's voice boomed through, and Sam inadvertently started thinking about Emily, an image of them in bed together surfacing in my head. I let out a soft whine, feeling my shattered heart breaking further before taking off at a faster pace, reaching the cliffs quickly.

I phased back as I heard the guys all complaining about me, grabbing the shorts and tank from the strap around my ankle. I slipped them on, ignoring the tears that were rolling down my cheeks.

"He's a fucking idiot, you know."

I turned my head as I heard the voice, the figure of Jacob filling my line of vision. I scoffed, falling to the floor and pulling my knees to my chest.

"That's not what you said a few minutes ago, when you were laughing with the others."

I heard him sighing, before he sat down next to me. "You need to let it go, Leah. Paul is right, you need to move on."

"Oh, because you're moving on from Isabella _fucking_ Swan!" I stood, feeling anger rising in my form already, staring Jacob down. My body began to shake as the fury doubled within me.

"You can preach, Jacob, but make sure you think through what you want to say, _before_ you fucking open your mouth."

"This," he growled, getting up in my face as he held a finger to my chest. "This is completely different to whatever you're feeling."

"And how would you know that?" I slapped his hand away. "How do you know how I feel each time I see them, or hear about them? Huh? It's different for you."

"How do you know it's different? How do you know that I don't feel the very exact way I _know_ you feel each time?" He moved closer to me, a fire burning in his eyes. I backed away from him, shaking my head.

"You can't know how I feel. Bella has a fucking choice, she still may choose you. Sam? He'll never come back to me. And you wanna know the best part? I not only lost my boyfriend to my cousin, but I also lost my best friend. Emily's not the same as she used to be, and it's all his damn fault. So back off, Black, and leave me the fuck alone."

I never saw or heard his reaction as I ran towards the forest, losing myself in the trees. I may not have phased, but I was still one of the fastest runners – still much faster than Jacob. I heard him attempt to follow me, but I heard him cursing my retreating figure as I pulled further away.

Seeing as my relaxation spot was being held hostage by Jacob, I went towards my secret place that no one knew of – a hidden cave deep within the cliffs that you could only get to if you knew where to swim, and how deep to go.

I weaved through the trees and moved down the cliff, stopping by the edge of the water and stripping off. It always felt more relaxing to swim there naked, and to hide out there, as it was just more peaceful.

I hid my clothes behind a small sand dune, before arching my back and diving into the water, feeling the cool waves wrapping around my body, comforting me. I swam deep into the ocean, watching the seaweed floating past me. I angled my body slightly, slipping through the small opening that lead to the passage way which would eventually take me to my cave.

As I entered my hidden place, I broke through the surface of the water, pressing my palms flat against the rocky floor, lifting my body out. I felt as all my muscles tensed and flexed, shifting my weight around as I did the simplest of tasks. I rolled over once I was out of the water, looking up at the ceiling of the cave, watching the reflections of the water.

I was so happy I had found this place, and even happier that I had managed to successfully bring some kind of lighting down to illuminate the cavern, as it truly was special. I had even gathered some old blankets to lay down on – I just needed to dry them out after the swim.

The cavern was like my second home. One which no one knew about, and one which would forever stay mine, and mine alone.

I was unaware of how much time had passed; there was no clock down here with me, and I couldn't tell by the temperature of the air, as being a wolf with naturally hot skin, everything feels warm.

But I had figured I'd been alone for at least three hours, maybe more, so I dove back into the water, swimming back towards the surface. I quickly dressed before running back home, suddenly feeling the weariness in my muscles with every step closer I got to home.

I threw the front door open once I reached it, slamming it shut without a care in the world as I went straight for my bedroom. Once in there, I stripped from my slightly damp clothing – again, werewolf heat had dried them out – and into my robe, gathering clean sleepwear before moving into the bathroom, locking the door behind me.

I always made sure to lock it these days, because Seth apparently thought that he didn't need to knock or announce himself before entering the bathroom now he was a wolf. He used to do it all the time before, so no one ever locked any doors, except at night or when visitors were over.

Setting the water in the shower to hot, I slipped beneath the spray, letting it run over my body, soaking my skin and hair. I lazily washed everywhere, including my now short hair – another thing I hated Sam for; he had all but alpha-commanded me to cut my hair.

Stepping out the shower, I wrapped a towel around my hair before drying off, slipping on my sleep clothes before heading down the stairs, where Mom sat at the kitchen table.

"Good evening, Leah," she said pointedly, staring at me as I moved around the kitchen, shuffling between the fridge and the pantry.

"Yeah, hi Mom." I finally grabbed out a box of cereal, setting it on the table as I found a bowl and spoon, setting them down with it.

"I don't know what to do with you any more," I heard her mutter, following up the comment with a sigh.

"Then don't bother." She looked up at me, shocked.

"Werewolf hearing, remember?" I rolled my eyes at her as I got out the milk, pouring everything into the bowl, before proceeding to much down on it.

"Please, Leah... you need to do something with your life. Not just mope around here day after day, only going out of the house to patrol."

"Do something with my life?" I scoffed, throwing my spoon into the bowl. "Sue, don't you see? I can't do anything while I'm here, part of the pack. They rule my actions."

"Honey, -"

"No, Sue. Don't you get it? I am part of the pack, I fall under Sam's reign, and you know what he's done? He's forbidden anyone to leave La Push or Forks. There are no decent colleges here; just the tribal community college and Forks' community college. You can't expect me to get a "decent" education at either of them. You can't expect me to be able to "do something with my life"."

I raised myself from the chair, glaring at Sue. "I just want you and everyone else to but out of my life!"

In true Leah Clearwater fashion, I stormed up to my room, slamming the door shut. I slid down to the floor, my back against the door as I pulled my knees to my chest, trying my hardest not to cry.

"I want my life back," I whispered into the emptiness of my bedroom. "I want my Dad back... and most of all, I want these feelings for... _him_ gone."

I could feel the undercurrent of love bubbling in my chest. The strange part was, I no longer knew who the love needed to be directed to.

I want to know.


	2. Chapter 2

A few days had passed. Things with Sue were still tense as hell.

Things with Sam, Jake and the pack were worse. Disapproving glares, stares of hatred and comments made when they thought I wasn't listening... it was like high school all over again. But in true Leah fashion, I put up my mask and bitched to all of them. I couldn't honestly care less any more.

The inner battle between whether to feel for... _him_ or not was getting harder each day, especially when I had to be in his presence pretty much the whole day, every day. I was confused. I was hurting.

I didn't know what to do any more, so I just shoved my feelings aside and got on with it. Tonight we had another meeting with the Cullen's, hopefully it'll teach us all we need to know. Didn't need to be around the leeches and their bleach stench for too long.

But before the good old meeting could go down, there was a pack meeting. At Sam and Emily's place. And it was compulsory.

I made my way to their little love cottage – the cottage that was supposed to be for me and Sam, not my ex-best friend and him. I still couldn't believe that it was only two years ago it had all happened. It felt like a lifetime ago now. The pain still fresh in my mind and heart... I remember that day so clearly...

_School had gotten out for the day. Only two more weeks until my senior year was over, and I could spend all summer long in Sam's arms. I ran all the way home, knowing my fiancé – god, it felt so empowering to say that word - would be waiting there for me, as usual._

_I had just gotten my Sam back after he went on an extended vacation – I think he'd been home about a month, the same amount of time my cousin, Emily, has been staying with us. I don't know where he went – he refused to say – but he looked all the better after it. Bigger, slightly older, and far more handsome. Not to mention yummier with the sexy as fuck tattoo he got on his shoulder._

_Sam was the sweetest guy I had ever met. If he didn't meet me at school to walk me home, he'd always, without fail, be waiting at my place for me to get back._

_As I reached the home, I heard strange noises coming from inside._

You gotta be kidding me,_ I thought to myself. _If Mom and Dad, _I shuddered. _If they're doing what I think they're doing...

_I opened the door cautiously – this wouldn't have been the first time I'd caught them, if it were them – and slipped into the house, slamming the door shut to let whoever it was know I was home._

_I walked into the living room, and found all the breath leaving my body as I saw Sam, my boyfriend, and Emily my cousin and so-called best friend in a heated lip lock, with hands under clothes._

"_What the hell?" Anger took over my body, even though tears were streaming down my cheeks._

_They sprang apart, trying to look sorrowful; Emily even had the audacity to tear up, her bottom lip quivering as she looked at me._

"_Lee, I didn't mean -"_

"_You didn't mean what, Emily? You didn't mean to be sucking faces with __**my**__ fiancé?" I shrank back towards the wall, shaking my head._

"_Did all the promises mean nothing, Sam?"_

"_Lee-Lee," he started, standing and making his way over to me. "Please, let us explain."_

_I shook my head. "How long?"_

_They were both silent._

"_How fucking long?" I could feel my heart breaking as both their gazes cast down, and I watched as Emily bit her lower lip, something she only did when she was ashamed._

"_A month," Sam gruffly spoke, bringing his gaze up to look into my eyes._

_I gasped. They no longer held the love for me they once did. They were stony, and cold; black as night with no emotion in whatsoever._

"_But you've -"_

"_Lee-Lee, I'm -"_

"_Don't you dare fucking say you're sorry!" I clapped a hand over my mouth, trying to hold back the loud sobs threatening to break forth from my chest, the tears coming faster down my cheeks._

"_Get out."_

"_Lee, please." I closed my eyes, screaming at them._

"_Get the fuck out!"_

_I didn't spare either of them a glance as I ran up the stairs, collapsing onto my bed, waiting to hear the front door slamming shut. I wasn't disappointed. Not even a minute later did I hear it bang shut._

_I buried my face in the pillows, letting the sobs overtake my body, shaking my heart and soul as I cried for my lost love._

Two years, and Emily was now the one wearing the beautiful ring on her finger. Two years and I still hadn't moved on beyond one night stands.

I sighed deeply as I pulled up outside the cottage, shutting off the engine and staring out of the windscreen. My hands were tight on the steering wheel, knuckles now white as I tried to muster up the courage to go inside.

I almost jumped out of my skin when I heard the door open, and a large hand be placed on my shoulder. I needn't have looked up to know who it was, but I did anyway, and found myself looking into the eyes of Jacob Black.

"What do you want?" I groaned, pressing my head back against the headrest, slowly loosening my grip on the wheel. I felt as he took my hands in his, reaching over to unbuckle my seatbelt, surrounding me with his scent, causing my eyes to flutter shut and my heart rate to pick up slightly.

I swore I heard him whispering "you" beneath his breath, but I must have been mistaken. My ears wanted to believe that my growing feelings for _him_, for Jake, were the real deal. My heart picked up more speed as his fingers brushed past my breasts when he helped push the belt off me, and a soft moan escaped my lips.

"Leah?" I heard his whisper and my eyes snapped open, looking at his lips which were now inches from mine.

"Y-yes, Jake?" I was almost too scared to talk. He was consuming me, being this close and not doing anything. I watched as his eyes darkened, and his breathing became heavier – I could tell by the change in rate of the warm clouds hitting my face.

"You." I knew he had said it that time. I was not dreaming. Because his hand moved from the belt to my cheek, cupping it softly before he kissed me.

It was only a soft kiss, as light as a butterfly's wings – so light that as I watched as he pulled back, licking his lips, a small smile gracing them, I had to make sure it was real. I freaking pinched myself.

"Jake?" His grip on my hand tightened as he hauled me out of the car and into the cottage. I was in such a daze that it didn't register to me that we were moving, until I suddenly heard the noise of my pack mates.

_He tricked me. He realized how I felt and used my feelings against me._

I snatched my hand from his, ignoring the look of confusion that crossed his face as I stalked over to the empty couch, taking a seat on the end, as far away from the rest of the pack as I could get.

"Can you just get on with this thing?" I all but spat out at Sam as he began a mundane conversation with Jared. He turned his head and rolled his eyes at me, before taking the spot in the middle room, clearing his throat.

"Okay, lets get this show on the road." Everyone took seats, their attention drawn to Sam, while I laid my head against the back of the couch, my eyes closed, trying to imagine it was someone other than Sam talking, and we were somewhere else other than their love shack.

I found my mind drifting as Sam droned on and on. My mind conjured up the sweetest images to ignore Sam to – images of one Jacob Black, hovering over me as his eyes darkened with lust.

I was brought out of my fantasy a while later by the sound of the pack laughing. I shot upright, glaring at all of them as they directed their laughter to me, intermittent with whispered words. It didn't take me long to realize that their laughter was directed at me.

"What?" My eyes darted around the room, taking in the looks on each guys face as they smirked and laughed. I could feel the anger in me rising as my body began to vibrate softly. Shaking my head, I bolted out of the cottage, phasing as soon as my feet hit the dirt of the driveway, taking off into the trees surrounding the property.

Running as fast as my legs could take me, I never realized that someone was following me; I was so deep in my own thoughts. I paused when I hit the Mount Rainier National Park border, thinking whether I should set foot within it or not.

_Leah, stop, please._ Jake's pleading voice hit my mind, accompanied by a heartbroken look. Why he showed me that image was beyond me, but I paused, turning my head to the russet wolf behind me.

_So you can laugh at me again? I think not._ I shook my head, lowering it slightly under his gaze. _But since you're here and want to talk, mind telling me why the fuck everyone was laughing at me?_

Instead of telling me, Jake replayed his memory of what happened in the meeting.

_**JPOV**_

_I stood there, listening to Sam droning on._

"_Although we have promised to help the Cullens with their fight against this rogue force, this does not mean that we can trust them fully yet. Obviously with the fact that -"_

_Sam broke off as a soft moan was heard from the far side of the couch. All our eyes shot to the figure of Leah, who lay there, eyes closed and her lips parted slightly._

"_As I was saying, if -"_

_Sam was cut off again as Leah let out another, louder moan, shortly followed by a whispered word. Everyone began to laugh softly, including Sam, but I stepped closer to Leah to try and hear what she said._

_I needn't have done so as a few seconds later, she said the same word again, only louder, followed by a hearty moan._

"_Jake."_

_My pants suddenly became uncomfortable as the beautiful girl before me moaned my name._

_The soft laughs grew louder, soon snapping Leah out of whatever dream land she was in, causing her to run._

**LPOV**

_Fuck!_ My mind was stuck on the fact that I had made my attraction to Jake apparent. The worst part was that I didn't tell Jacob like a normal person would... I had fucking _moaned_ it out in front of the rest of the pack – and Emily – where they could mock me forever.

Not to mention the fact Jake probably would never want me, seeing as he was pining after Bella _fucking_ Swan, and I was _the bitter harpy._

_You are not a bitter harpy_, Jake spoke, taking a step towards me. I raised my gaze from the floor, settling on his large form, watching as he phased back in front of me, not bothering to pull on the shorts tied to his ankle.

"Phase back," he whispered, placing a hand on my muzzle. I nodded and took a step back, feeling the shiver running up my spine as I took my human form once more, crouching on the ground to keep my body covered.

I could feel my whole body flush as Jake's eyes remained on me, and I kept my head down to keep from looking at him inappropriately. _Bit late for that now, Clearwater._

The heat hit me before I lifted my head, and there crouched before me, cupping my cheek was Jake. I gasped softly, looking into his eyes, my heart pounding against my chest.

"You," Jake whispered, repeating his words from earlier. "I want _you."_


End file.
